And then you wake up.

So, I work odd hours. Lots of odd hours--more about that in another blog, but let's sum it up by saying that I often wake up not knowing what day it is or what time it is or what I am supposed to do that day. Most days are like that.
Today was no exception.
After working two twelve hour night shifts in a row, I slept from about 8am until noon today. And then I woke up. Bleary eyed and with a headache--zombie-ish. That's my normal. Today & yesterday (also after working a night shift and sleeping maybe 2 hours) were different only in one way.
I had to remember. I woke up not knowing what time or day it was and it took a few moments to remember why I felt different. Why did my right side feel somewhat cold (not to the touch, but like there was a thawing ice pack implanted into the right lower portion of my abdomen). Oh, yes. I remember. Part of my body is missing.
Part of my body that was just a few short days ago full of warm, crampy, blood flow--and life.
And my heart aches--I get why they call it heart ache--there is a physical ache when you go through profound loss; and emptiness.
And then I wake up.